totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
