oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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