I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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