I'm gonna have a badass scar
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
