I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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