it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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