I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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