I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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