I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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