No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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