Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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