I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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