you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
