after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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