Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
