She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
