Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was like giving head to a cactus.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
