my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
