Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
