I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
