The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
