yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
