marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
