U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
