Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
