all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
