remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
