it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
