that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
