Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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