I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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