I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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