you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
