there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
