I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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