turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
