you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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