Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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