theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
