I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
