i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
time to smoke my breakfast
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
