All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
