your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
