seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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