haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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