Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
