Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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