You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
