maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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