Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
