If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
