Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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