I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
