Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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