Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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